<Scriven> The first one I noticed was beautiful and competent.
<Scriven> of course we didn’t know it was an android, not at first.
<Scriven> when they passed the testing phase, the DMV phased out all the humans, so the androids just dealt with everyone, one per location.
<Scriven> lines stayed the same length, it was just more efficient for each of the thousands of daily transactions.
<Scriven> Soon businesses cropped up serving the people who are standing in line. over-head drone delivery of smart-phone ordered food from vendors that hover around the perimeter.
<Scriven> then came the ‘holding the place in line while you use the bathroom’ people… and the adult incontinence device sellers.
<Scriven> garbage collection.
<Scriven> A collection was taken up one day, and one section got a tarp installed.
<Scriven> They were angry when the other people didn’t let them take it with them when the line moved slightly, but the security guards pulled out the rowdy ones and put them at the back of the line… that shut up the rest… no one wanted to be reset.
<Scriven> That set up the precedent that installations stayed where installed… umbrella sales skyrocketed.
<Scriven> Eventually people started to wonder why, if the dmv was so efficient, did the line not move faster…
<Scriven> shouldn’t they be shuffling along at a slow but regular pace? Not camping out?
<Scriven> That was when the rumour started… the dmv had started a pay-to-the-front line…
<Scriven> “Before The Riots”.
Tag: writing
Abort, Retry, Ignore
Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary,
System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor,
Longing for the warmth of bed sheets,
Still I sat there, doing spreadsheets:
Having reached the bottom line,
I took a floppy from the drawer.
Typing with a steady hand, I then invoked the SAVE command
But got instead a reprimand: it read “Abort, Retry, Ignore”.
Was this some occult illusion? Some maniacal intrusion?
These were choices Solomon himself had never faced before.
Carefully, I weighed my options.
These three seemed to be the top ones.
Clearly, I must now adopt one –
Choose: “Abort, Retry, Ignore”.
With my fingers pale and trembling,
Slowly toward the keyboard bending,
Longing for a happy ending, hoping all would be restored,
Praying for some guarantee
Finally I pressed a key —
But on the screen what did I see?
Again: “Abort, Retry, Ignore”.
I tried to catch the chips off guard —
I pressed again, but twice as hard.
Luck was just not in the cards,
I saw what I had seen before.
Now I typed in desperation,
Trying random combinations.
Still there came the incantation –
Choose: “Abort, Retry, Ignore”.
There I sat, distraught, exhausted, by my own machine accosted;
Getting up, I turned way and paced across the office floor.
And then I saw an awful sight,
A bold and blinding flash of light,
A lighting bolt that cut the night and shook me to my very core.
The PC screen collapsed and died,
“Oh no — my database”, I cried.
I thought I heard a voice reply,
“You’ll see you data — Nevermore!”
To this day I do not know
The place to which our data goes
Perhaps it goes to Heaven where the angels have it stored.
But as for productivity – well,
I fear it has gone straight to Hell.
And that’s the tale I have to tell –
Your choice: “Abort, Retry, Ignore”.
[Not my work, it was attributed to “anonymous” in my original posting of it. Recent interweb searches turn up https://www.poemhunter.com/bridgid-patrick/ who claims ownership.]
Q: What is the Information Superhighway?
- A: It’s just like the Internet, except:
- It’s a lot more expensive.
- You can’t post, and there’s no killfile.
- There’s no alt.sex or alt.drugs.
- The new rec.humor.funny has a laugh track.
- There’s a commercial break every 10 minutes.
- Everything is formatted to 40 columns for TVs.
- The free software costs you US$2 per Mbyte to FTP, more for long distance.
- There’s a commercial break every 10 minutes.
- A: It’s just like cable TV, except:
- It’s a lot more expensive.
- The picture isn’t as good.
- There are 500 channels of pay-per-view and home shopping.
- You can watch any episode of Gilligan’s Island or any Al Gore speech for only $2.
- There are no public-access channels.
- There’s a commercial break every 10 minutes.
- A: It’s just like renting videos, except:
- It’s a lot more expensive.
- There’s only 1 percent of the selection.
- There’s no porn.
- There’s no pause, fast-forward, or rewind, and it costs you another $3.95 if you want to watch something twice.
- There’s a commercial break every 10 minutes.
- A: It’s just like the telephone, except:
- It’s a lot more expensive.
- There’s no one to talk to.
- Every number is a toll call.
- There’s a commercial break every 10 minutes.
(posted anonymously to the Net)
Borrowed from Wired Magazine 2.11, page #37.
I just thought it would fit in perfectly, and it did. Thanks to the wonderful anon. poster.